I wanted a cell phone in India. It makes sense; I’m staying here for at least a month. I had the phone from Turkey.  All I needed was to unlock the phone, buy a pay-as-you-go Indian SIM card, put it in and I should be good to go, right?

Hold it right there, Nathan. Vodafone India would like to take this moment to make you it’s bitch first. I’d heard about Indian red tape and bureaucracy (and experienced a taste with the visa debacle in Turkey), but I hadn’t really felt it punch me in the guts before. I learned that as a foreign national dealing with an Indian system, failure is always an option. Read on:

Step 1: Unlock the Phone - 2 hours - Success!

A phone is initially “SIM locked” to only be usable on a particular carrier or in a particular region. With the right equipment, the SIM lock can be removed and the phone will work all around the world. This was relatively easy. An Indian friend suggested I go to a gadget mall called Heera Panna where they do things along these lines. It was sort of like Polvos Azules in Lima. Lots of small stores in a big building. This was the taxi ride where the driver yelled “mother choad” at me for not having correct change.

After asking around, I found that I needed to go to store number 73, which is difficult to find because there is seemingly no rhmye or reason to the numbering on the stores in the building. I walked up a half flight of stairs into store number 73, which was full of half-computers, walls lined with cables, phones, soldering irons, and three Indian guys. Perfect.

They plugged the phone into something, I waited about 15 minutes, and 200 Rupees later, I had an unlocked cell phone. Great success!

Step 2: SIM Purchase Attempt #1 - .5 hours - Failure

Inside the same building I asked around for a store that sells Vodafone SIM cards. The guy looked at my papers, looked at me, and said I need to go to a different Vodafone store without explanation.

Step 3: SIM Purchase Attempt #2 - 1 hour - Failure

I walked to the store he mentioned and they told me they do not even sell SIM cards anymore. I left.

Step 4: SIM Purchase Attempt #3 - .5 hours - Failure

A friend suggested a different store to try closer to my hotel. I went and asked. They asked what documents I had with me. I had my passport. That was good, but I was lacking:

- A letter from the hotel certifying that I was staying there.
- A passport sized photo to attach to the form.

Step 5: Get Documentation from Hotel - .5 hours - Success

The hotel manager was friendly enough to write me a “To whom it may concern” letter stating that I was staying at his hotel. He gave me some copies of receipts.

Step 6: SIM Purchase Attempt #4 - 1 hours - Success!

I returned to the counter with all of my documents. I filled out several forms. Expecting trouble down the line, I asked explicitly if all of the forms were correct and they would be submitted properly. “Of course, sir,” came the reply.

The put the SIM in my phone, called some number, and it worked! Incredible. I thought I was good to go. Until…

Step 7: Monkey Wrench #1

I received a text message a few days later from Vodafone stating that my documentation was filed incorrectly. I must resubmit my documents within 48 hours to avoid cancellation of my service.

Step 8: Return to store was SIM was purchased - 2.5 hours - Failure

Now living far away from the store, it takes about an hour to get there. I showed them the text message and they said I need to go to the proper Vodafone store (called a Vodafone “gallery”) to submit the documents. They told me where to go and off I went.

Step 9: Vodafone Gallery #1 - .5 hours - Failure

I took a taxi to the gallery. They only do these registrations until 7:00 pm. I was too late. I left.

Step 10: Vodafone Gallery #2 - 1 hour - Failure

I went to the main Vodafone gallery for all of Mumbai. They claim to have a 24-hour service center. This service center, however, was not accepting registrations at night, either.

They did tell me, however, that the SIM card I had was registered with an Indian Voter Identification card instead of my passport in someone elses name. Before they would help me, though, they needed to know the name of the person the SIM card was registered to.

Essentially, the guys at the store I bought my SIM card at didn’t submit my forms at all and used a different person’s name when they submitted my documentation. I had to somehow muscle them in to telling me the name they used to register my SIM card.

Step 11: Threaten Sheister SIM Shop with Police Involvment - 2 hours - Moderate Success

Now things started to get sticky. I needed to know the name of the person these guys registrered the SIM card under before Vodafone would help me. I explained the situation and he simply told me I needed to go to the Vodafone gallery.

“No, no. I was just there. They can’t help me until you tell me what name you registered the card under. It was an Indian Voter ID card and not my passport. I paid you 100 Rupees for registration. What name did you use?”

He wouldn’t answer. I began to get irate, which actually seems to get you further in India than being polite. An Indian friend told me that if I am simply polite all the time, I’ll get walked on.

He asked for my passport to make a copy of it again then he tried to hand me the same registration form. He wanted me to fill out it out and trust that he would submit it again. Right, buddy. No go.

Then he called Vodafone’s support number. The guy at the other end of the line eventually told me my SIM card was registered to someone named “Bashshar Shaiks.” Okay. I didn’t know why Vodafone was now telling me the information I was supposed to give them to fix my account, but it seemed like progress.

There was still the matter of the 100 Rupee registration fee I wanted back. He wouldn’t budge on this. Enter a phone call from my Indian friend:

My friend spoke with him on the phone at length, and then to the manager of the store. I don’t know exactly what she said or how she said it, but she kept their attention for much longer than I was able to. She later told me that she threatened police involvement if he wouldn’t give me a completely new, unregistered SIM card, my 100 Rupees back, and money for the credit currently on the SIM card.

He handed me a new SIM card, but it wasn’t the preferred “lifelong” card that I had previously purchased. She talked to him again. Things started happening. He gave me the lifelong SIM card and some recharge cards for the credit I had on the phone. I gave up on getting back the 100 Rupees.

Seeming success…

Step 12: Return to Vodafone Gallery #1 for Registration - 1 hour - Failure

I took my number and waited to speak with a Vodafone representative to register my new SIM card. They looked over my documentation, started filling out the forms but then had to check something with a manager. Apparently my note from the hotel was insufficient now. I needed a copy of the hotels power bill before they would accept it.

Good grief.

I asked if there was any other way for them to process my request. They said no.

Could they at least temporarily enable my SIM card until I got it registered? No, sir. No way, Jose. My worker-of-magic Indian friend called Vodafone and somehow got them to enable to SIM card temporarily over the phone anyway. I don’t know how.

Step 13: Attempt to get Hotel Power Bill - 1 hour - Failure

I called the hotel. The guy said he would give me a copy of the power bill. I took a taxi, but upon arrival he had changed his mind. He would not give me a power bill. He called Vodafone and explained to the representative that he thought it was a ridiculous proposal. I agreed.

Eventually, I ended up talking to the Vodafone representative who said I could fill out another form and every thing would be dandy. No hotel bills required! Unsure why they didn’t tell me about this form at the Vodafone Gallery, I had had enough pain and gave up for the day.

Step 14: Return to Vodafone Gallery #2 for Registration - 1.5 hours - GREAT SUCCESS!!!

The next day I went back to the main Vodafone Gallery (pictured right). I took my number. Vodafone employee Ashwini tended to my request. She did not ask for a copy of the hotel power bill. She did not ask me to fill out the form that the guy on the phone said I would have to fill out. She just smiled, made some copies, told me where to sign, typed some stuff on the computer and it worked.

Seriously? That was it? I couldn’t believe it.

“Really? That’s all you need?”

“Yes, sir. That’s all.”

“You don’t need the other form filled out?”

“No, sir. That form is very rarely used.”

“You don’t need a hotel utility bill?”

“No, sir. We have the letter and your passport.”

“And I won’t get a text message saying my service will be disabled in a few days?”

“No, sir.”

“And I don’t owe you any money for this?”

“No, sir.”

Incredible.

Still mystified that it actually worked this time, I got the hell out of there before some manager came by and said I needed to pat my head, rub my belly, and go get a notarized copy of my sister’s birth certificate and two kangaroos at the same time before they would approve my request.

Why did it work this time? I don’t know. I don’t care.

I have a SIM card. Thank you, Indian friend; your guidance and threats of police involvment made this all possible. And thank you, Ashwini; you are the one shining light in the convoluted quagmire of shit that is Vodafone India.

Total hours: 15  (excluding some travel time)
Total steps: 14
Average time per step: 1 Hour, 4 Minutes.
Number of successes: 5
Number of failures: 9
Success to Failure Ratio: .555555555 (repeating, of course)
Sentiment at end of process: LEEEEEEEROOOOOY JENKIIIIINS!

Trackback URI | Comments RSS